The best ever divorce letter

[simondjuk]

FIRST LETTER:

My Dear husband:

I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you.
I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it
and the last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & you didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle,
had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new nightie.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects
us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Wife.
PS.Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together!
Have a great life!


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REPLY:
Dear Ex-wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry
from what you've been.
I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching.
Too bad that doesn't work any more.
I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind
was 'You look just like a boy!'
Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can't say something nice,
I didn't comment......
and when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused with
MY BROTHER because I haven't eaten prawns for 7 years.
About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was
still on it and I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300
from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.
So when I won the $20 million Lotto, on Saturday,
I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Paris , but when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dollar from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Husband................. Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla.
I hope that's not a problem.