Only Ronnie Barker could do this!

[Alsatian]

This was originally shown on BBC TV, back in the seventies.
Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows
How many takes) The irony is that the BBC received not one complaint.
Must have been the speed of delivery was too much for the whining herds.
Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms as you read;


This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.
Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.
Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and
shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.
The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge,
and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible
huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.
The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts
would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.
Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.
She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage
with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks

The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight
otherwise, >there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when
suddenly the clock struck twelve.
"Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out
tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door
and the sugly isters let him in.
Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart.
"Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince.

"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper
on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a
knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge
halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking
ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince
lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a
follen swanny.