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Messages - Old Cruser

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Fun Stuff / Postman Pats last Day
« on: April 09, 2017, 07:57:22 AM »

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after
35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather
to the same villages and towns...
When he arrived at the first house on his route,
he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged
and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a
cheque for £50.

At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.
The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie.
She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When they went downstairs, the blonde fixed him a full
English breakfast: Bacon,Eggs, Sausage & Tomato
with freshly squeezed orange juice.
As she was pouring him a cup of steaming coffee,
he noticed a one pound coin in the saucer.
'All this is just too wonderful for words,' he said, 'but what's the quid for?'
'Well,' said the blonde,'Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you.
I asked him what I should give you'.
He said, 'F**k him.. Give him a quid.'

 She smiled shyly and said, 'The breakfast was my idea.'          :)

Fun Stuff / Adam wanted to Know
« on: April 09, 2017, 07:54:00 AM »

God said, "Adam, I want you to do
something for Me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that
Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river.."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that o him, and then said, "Go over to the hill...."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

Adam said, 'What's a cave?'

After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?'

So God explained that to him, too.. Then, God said, 'I want you
to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under His breath), "Geez....."

And then, just like everything else, God explained that toAdam, as

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

And Adam said....









"What's a headache?"


Fun Stuff / Rude Customers
« on: April 09, 2017, 07:50:14 AM »

 For  all Who Work With Rude Customers, isn't it a  shame WE can't actually do  this!

An  award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk  attendant in   Sydney some months ago  for being smart and funny, while making her  point, when confronted with a passenger who  probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A  crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after  Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A  single attendant was re-booking a long line of  inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry  passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped  his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I  HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST  CLASS".

The attendant  replied,  "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help  you, but I've got to help these people first,  and I'm sure we'll be able to work something  out.."

The  passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so  that the passengers behind him could  hear,"DO  YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without  hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her  public address microphone:"May  I have your attention please, may I have your  attention please,"she began  - her voice heard clearly throughout the  terminal.

"We  have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT  KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his  identity, please come to Desk  14."

With  the folks behind him in line laughing  hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin  attendant, gritted his teeth and  said,"F...  You!"

Without  flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this  bit)"I'm  sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for  that too." 


Chesterfield Discussion / Re: New Statues in Chesterfield.
« on: April 08, 2017, 10:36:48 PM »
mmm another load of old metal -

Chesterfield Discussion / Re: New Statues in Chesterfield.
« on: April 08, 2017, 09:37:17 PM »
I saw the workmen installing them the other day whilst at work - and I thought what the hell is that and what does it signify?
Well now I know - it seems to signify the proximity of the river Rother and the cycle route.
To be fair,whilst I'm not going to moan about the waste of money etc., I think it could prove to be dangerous in some ways.
Time will tell I suppose. Apart from that, it just looks like random bits of offshoot metal cuts bolted to the floor.
Whatever next :-?

Totally agree with your comments scimitar. To me they are total nothingness ( if there is any such word ) if not I'll say crap instead!
Another point is who on earth would link that load of twisted metal with the river and cycling?????

Chesterfield Discussion / New Statues in Chesterfield.
« on: April 07, 2017, 08:02:46 AM »
Well !
What next!

To me these look like bent bits of Tin !

Does anyone like them at a cost of five grand I'm sure they could have done better!!


Would someone like to explain how this junction is different from how it was before the works. (Yes I know there's no right turn whilst there's roadworks on the main Derby Rd).

Now come on fly - you didn't really expect it to be any different did you - this is Chesterfield  :))

Tarzan - some pedestrians will just do as some motorists do and ignore the signs  ::)

General Discussion / Re: A lovely day
« on: April 01, 2017, 08:09:26 PM »
Whats your hubby going to use now you've filled the tin bath ?

The hose Pipe like he usually does -  ::)

Friends called to visit on Friday and told us the roundabout was bad. They witnessed a car driver and lorry driver in conflict on the roundabout - the lorry driver had got out of his cab to go to the car driver.  :-?
Drivers are going to get frustrated with other at times aren't they !

General Discussion / Re: A lovely day
« on: April 01, 2017, 05:43:21 PM »
Night Scented 'Catchfly' Has a white flower which opens in the evening


General Discussion / Re: A lovely day
« on: April 01, 2017, 05:41:40 PM »
Finally got around to it, been a tad busy  ::)

Chesterfield Discussion / Re: Royal Mail
« on: March 31, 2017, 08:47:08 AM »
Having worked for Royal Mail in the past i was involved in the barcoded mail and been inside many a mail centre, local sorting office and even some of the big air mail units including Heathrow....the amount of mail flying around at any one time is huge so as you say its unlikely that the odd blip isnt going to happen. Costs are going up and whilst Royal Mail have to serve the whole country the others can pick and choose where they deliver to.

 Was once told that some of the competitors will actually use Royal Mails service to reach some outer areas like the top of Scotland etc.

I'm sure they do bransoj even with the Royal Mails rising costs it's probably still cheaper for others to use them for far off destination.
Have to admit I post my Christmas cards to people out of my area whilst others I can give personally. I only send two or three ecards!

I'm managing to avoid it on there - anyone know how things are going - ?

Chesterfield Discussion / Re: Royal Mail
« on: March 31, 2017, 08:16:49 AM »
It's a mammoth task I suppose Umpire to get all the mail out without some blips - doesn't make it anymore pleasing though when it's something special which is apparently - lost! Plus the cost has gone up and up for the Stamps and little wonder many have opted for ecards!

Chesterfield Discussion / Re: Hady -
« on: March 31, 2017, 08:14:08 AM »
I suppose if the house hadn't been updated by the time your parents bought it the price would indeed have been reasonable redadmiral.
Have you any idea who actually redesigned the outer shell - or were they built like that?

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