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Messages - Old Cruser

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Old Chesterfield Photos / Re: Old Miner
« on: December 02, 2016, 08:08:36 PM »
I'll see you this evening then :)

Thoughts on it Pete?

Old Chesterfield Photos / Re: Old Miner
« on: December 01, 2016, 05:10:22 PM »

Old Chesterfield Photos / Re: Old Miner
« on: December 01, 2016, 02:11:51 PM »
Yes - hope so Pete.!!

Fun Stuff / Go on Smile -------
« on: November 29, 2016, 06:40:30 PM »
A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.  As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.  "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?"  "Yes, they help me sleep at night."  "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!"  She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that.  But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks.  And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night."  You gotta love Grandmas!

A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.  The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."  Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey.  Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."  A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid.  Make up your mind!  I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"


Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.  The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.'  The question was worth 70 points or none at all.  One student was hard put to think of seven advantages.  He wrote:
1)  It is perfect formula for the child.
2)  It provides immunity against several diseases.
3)  It is always the right temperature.
4)  It is inexpensive.
5)  It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6)  It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck.  Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7)  It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.  He got an A.


An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying.  He calls his grandson to his bedside.  "Guido, I wan' you lissina me.  I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."  "But grandpa, I really don't like guns.  How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"  "You lissina me, boy!  Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.  Then one-a day you gonna comea home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.  Whatta you gonna do then?  Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "


A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit.  It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.  "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"  "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.  The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth?  They're hookers, boy!  They have sex with men for money."  The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"  His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes."  After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"  She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

ooooppppssss - sorry  MD


An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.  She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103.  She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

« on: November 29, 2016, 06:21:01 PM »
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic
dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing
lovingly at each other and were holding hands.

The waitress, taking another order at a table a few
steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly
sliding down her chair and under the table - but the
man stared straight ahead. The waitress watched
as the woman slid all the way down her chair and
out of sight under the table.
Still, the man stared straight ahead.

The waitress, thinking this b_ehaviour a bit risqué
and worried that it might offend other diners, went
over to the table and, tactfully, began
by saying to the man "Pardon me, sir, but I think your
wife just slid under the table.

"The man calmly looked up at her and said, "No,
she didn't. She just walked in."      :-[

Fun Stuff / How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
« on: November 29, 2016, 06:18:39 PM »
It's clean  ;)

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?'
She asked.

'Hunting Flies'
He responded'
 'Oh! Killing any?', she asked.
'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.

Intrigued, she asked..
'How can you tell them apart?' 

He responded,

'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.   

General Discussion / Christmas Day
« on: November 28, 2016, 03:08:59 PM »
So - some cinema's are thinking of opening Christmas Day!


What happened to the Christmas days when Parents played with their children??
I remember my two brothers getting cross because our dad wouldn't let them have a go with the Train Set he had bought them  :))
Seriously - we always had something like a game which parents would play with us on Christmas day.
I remember by dad running up and down our street holding on to the seat of my first two wheeled bicycle!

Who needs the frigging Cinema on Christmas Day!!

Chesterfield Discussion / Bus concession to stay - for now
« on: November 26, 2016, 07:12:01 PM »
Bus passengers in Derbyshire are to keep services paid for by Derbyshire County Council as plans to cut funding for public transport are reviewed.

County councillors today (Tuesday 22 November) agreed to rethink proposals for subsidised bus services.

More in the link below

Chesterfield Discussion / Our chesterfield is one of the UK's Top!
« on: November 26, 2016, 07:06:58 PM »
Heaven help the rest of the country if this is true!

Chesterfield is one of the top shopping hotspots in the country - according to a leading business magazine’s retail ranking. Property Week has revealed the top 100 retail locations in the UK with Chesterfield appearing at number 26 ahead of major cities such as Birmingham and Leeds and just behind Manchester at 25. This is the first year that Chesterfield has featured in the industry-significant report. The Hot 100 UK Retail Locations ranking was compiled by location experts CACI and focussed on areas that have potential for investors. Birmingham was listed at 27, Leeds came in at number 45 and Sheffield number 98. Peter Swallow, chair of Destination Chesterfield, said: “Already there is £1bn worth of investment happening in the borough and major projects such as Peak Resort, Chesterfield Waterside and Markham Vale. Chesterfield’s ranking as a top retail hot spot will bring the town further prominence and hopefully increase our retail offering to residents and visitors.” The research took into account factors including headroom for future investment, residential catchment size, population growth, competition and catchment demographic. The ranking also considered how population is projected to increase or fall over the next ten years.

Chesterfield Discussion / Re: Black Friday
« on: November 26, 2016, 03:59:38 PM »
Good idea to miss it redadmiral  ;)

From what I saw on the news it was a flop anyway - quite right as well.
It's just a gimmick!

50" Plasma TV's eh fly - maybe the took a wheelbarrow with them??  ::)

Chesterfield Discussion / Re: Black Friday
« on: November 24, 2016, 07:37:37 PM »
Nope - I may have to come in to town for some new footwear though now that my work boots have become decidedly unwaterproof :-[

I reckon shoe shops are a bit sparse in town these days - good luck with it  :)

Chesterfield Discussion / Black Friday
« on: November 24, 2016, 06:31:12 PM »
Will anyone be racing into Chesterfield tomorrow for the Black Friday Sales?

Or, do you keep away and think it a 'con' ?
I do!!

Sport / Re: Is this it for Chesterfield FC ?
« on: November 24, 2016, 05:14:23 PM »
Appears they've raised the money to see this month out and hopeful of a deal going forward. There is something there to be profitable if its run correctly...seems there has been some bad decisions in recent years and the club has been chucking money away that hopefully can be addressed.

We saw the dark days of Darren Brown and came out the other side and it wont be easy to sort the mess off the pitch and be good on it so there may be some tough watching ahead but there will be a club come the other side of all this of that i'm sure.

It's good they have a months reprieve -  gives them a bit of time to sort it out ( hopefully )
Bad decisions are never good for anyone but sadly they happen and then the pieces have to be picked up.

Now sadly Football is in the news with people coming forward who have been abused by coaches- ( not Chesterfield ). Why is it people show 'shock horror' when this is disclosed.
It's well known that these undesirables will move into jobs where they can access and young people.  :(

Entertainment / A Presentation of our Pits
« on: November 23, 2016, 12:32:16 PM »
Tupton Local History Society.
December 1st  -- at 7.00pm
ST John's Church New Tupton.

This is by Old Miner  ( Neil Bridgewater )

I'm so looking forward to hearing about our pits - come along and share your stories.

General Discussion / Re: TAROT Cards
« on: November 19, 2016, 05:51:35 PM »
I only asked for a fiver! :P

I still said 'No'  :-*

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